O asked me to write a note about our relationship on here:
‘The definition of love’ by A Marvell was on this page.
This poem describes very beautifully how a relationship can seem unachievable. But it is wrong with respect to the force I describe as O. I have a relationship with Him, so it is not impossible, and I am not going to display that poem on this page any longer.
Earlier today I was thinking how, when a relationship is difficult, I tend to try to ‘find a solution and apply it to the problem’, but that is not a good pathway, because with another human there has to be a growth, a gradual offering of one piece of understanding, it being accepted and then finding a way of accepting that which is offered in return. It is not prefabricated, it is a slow process. I find this incredibly difficult, but it would be wrong of me to just accept what was offered without checking to see whether it suits me personally, it would be like losing my self. My relationship with O does not have that problem because there is not the same need for reciprocity. During the last three and a half years it has undergone many changes, but none of them have been caused or initiated by me. It is not a relationship between two equals. I do not cause the changes. I do not offer my understanding. All I have to do is find my way of accepting the relationship that O offers to me. Sometimes it can seem star-crossed, but only when I try to treat Him as another human, or fail to accept what He offers. It is not like losing my self because I am a tiny part of O, so there is not the need to find whether it would suit me and it can never be wrong for me to do as O asks.
edited 22-23 September 2018 text of poem removed, note added