W 265 abcd


Sable round brushes, colours and paper:
n.6 Raw Sienna (unused)
n.4 Terre Verte
n.10 Mayan Blue Genuine
Watercolour paper NOT 280gsm 38 x 28cm

additional exercise using all materials above:
entirely painted with guidance

20200208

initially this seems to be suggesting something I fear
in conjunction with keeping things in my mind
I have no idea what
but I was thinking this morning that I felt a bit like Evil Kenevil (sp?) who used to leap over great abysses in his motorbike and was renowned for having broken just about every bone in his body
I was hoping my attempts had a little more purpose
but perhaps this is just the anger or fear, same thing I think, that prevails before a situation is resolved
like hunger before food is ready
or perhaps this is what God wanted me to write about:
I was thinking that the time it takes to put things right and that the unease needs to be borne out may be somewhat proportional to the time it took for the understanding to occur
for instance my understanding that I had to sell a house took about 12 years
and the sale could have happened within days of my understanding as the first people who came to see it, eventually bought it. But it was quite difficult and my son had to leave me before it could happen perhaps. It occurred to me that I had at one point accepted to give my son up for adoption, though I had not taken that as a serious suggestion, merely a metaphor, but that is kind of what happened. I had to give him up for someone else to look after and now I think he is happy. My relationship with him can only exist if someone else allows it to. It does not depend on me and it was wrong of me to expect that even though I am his mother. It seems. I don’t know what that means in the bigger picture.
Perhaps it is about working together. Something I find difficult and generally try to avoid if possible. I’m not keen on broken bones.
Anyway it seems the sale of the house was never the real purpose, it was merely the pressure to force the break, which contrary to my expectation was a good thing.
Although without it all I would not have found God in the way that I did either. So who knows what plan God has in all this!

planning
n.6 about being tolerant -seems appropriate at a time when I am feeling under pressure from having done something incorrectly
– another thought – to my mind there is no righteous anger
because anger is a consequence of not doing something God wants
it would feel completely wrong to me to return the anger if I felt it, or to reciprocate it, as it was my mistake which caused it to occur in the first place. That would be like doubling the ‘injury’ to God –
everything is dear to God, all receive His support
ports, rounded lines perhaps
in Raw Sienna this is about structure and religion perhaps
pre-set formulas perhaps
navigation aids perhaps
perhaps working with people at Church will help my family know hoe to work with me better
perhaps
all this does not depend on me
again, I have no choice in the matter
I need to be tolerant of what is expected of me
trusting God at all times

n.4 Keeping God in mind, but for me this is an alarm bell that says I have not said something sufficiently or clearly or at all.
Still, n.4 God makes all things also discomforts
broken lines perhaps
in Terre Verte green Earth
horizontal green lines
like a garden, no
somehow making the world happy perhaps

n.10 value everything but not too much
two sides, no
God’s worlds wherein joy can live perhaps
spheres perhaps
in blue
this needs to somehow be true, both the number and the colour indicate truth as an ingredient
but there may be two sides
mai is never
balls is an (rude) expression of disbelief
no
it is about truth
the spheres are to represent something true
perhaps

overall
yellow rounded lines
green broken horizontal lines
blue spheres
perhaps